


The Secret Princess(es)

by Gee_Writes



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alluka POV, Canon Compliant, Canon Trans Character, Gen, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-17
Updated: 2014-07-17
Packaged: 2018-02-09 06:21:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1972209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gee_Writes/pseuds/Gee_Writes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She had been born at 12am exactly, the boundary between days on a moonless night.<br/>Perhaps that was why she herself was the boundary between two lives.  Why Alluka had found herself sharing a body with something, someone else.  </p><p>Nanika.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Secret Princess(es)

They had known him since the day she was born.

Even if she herself couldn't remember, there had been photos, once.  A snapshot of a fitful one-year-old trying to reach for his newly-born sibling, struggling in the grasp of the butler holding him.   
Spiky white fuzz contrasting the silky black strands on the newborn's head. 

Even then it was obvious they were different. 

She had been born at 12am exactly, the boundary between days on a moonless night.  
Perhaps that was why she herself was the boundary between two lives.   
Why Alluka had found herself sharing a body with something, _someone_ else.

_Nanika_.

 

As time passed and she grew, sometimes there would be whispering and murmuring to her, from the corners of her mind.  A voice that was familiar and comfortable to Alluka, more so than her own mother.  It was curious about things, in a similar way that Alluka herself was.  At three years old, she made it her mission to try and show that other part of her mind everything she loved - the garden, the butlers, her parents, and of course, her big brother.

 

 _[Big brother Killua!  Killua is nice.  I love him lots!]_ ****

**_[Killua.]_ **

 

It made sense then, that Killua was the first person to meet that other someone.  To give her her name.

It wasn't so much a switch as it was a slip, ebbing from the front of her mind into the darker spaces.  The spaces normally home to the inky other person within her mind, the one who whispered so enticingly.  Who had started slowly initiating conversation when her mind would wander.  When her eyes would glaze.  It was a little frightening; despite having known each other since the moment she could retain thought, perhaps even longer.  Frightening from the fact that this was the first time she had felt so _apart_ from herself, her physical body that wasn't quite a match anyway.  That fear soon receded though, sudden warmth relaxing, lulling.  A soft sleep overtaking as she waited; minutes or hours passing, she didn't know. And soon enough, she was back at the forefront of her consciousness, older brother peering into her face, unperturbed by the sudden switching.  Unperturbed at meeting that other _self_ within herself.

It was that day Killua gave a name to the voice.  **Nanika.**   Graceless and blunt in ways only a four year old could be, he had thought of it on the spot.  Pointed and yelled and grinned with his whole mouth, giggles bubbling up from the two.  Alluka thought it was pretty, and perfectly suited.  Told her, _Nanika_ , as much.  She seemed happy.

 

**_[Killua is nice.]_ **

****_[Big brother_ is _nice!  I told you, I love him lots!]_

**_[I love Killua.  He is nice.]_ **

****

With the introduction of a name, it should have been easier to differentiate themselves, Alluka thought.  More aware that they were separate.  In actuality, it was quite the opposite.  Alluka and Nanika were closer, two sides of a coin that could only exist with the other.  Completely, wholly intermingled – markedly different from when Nanika had merely whispered from that shadowy boundary that existed within her; different from before.

 

Before long though, her secret friend had become a little less secret.

  
It was an accident; Nanika growing lonely and wanting attention, affection.  Perhaps slightly jealous at the kindness the butlers gave Alluka.  Usually she'd try and talk to Killua, her favourite person; but that day was different.  That day she had spoken to Mitsuba. 

Mitsuba was nice.  Alluka had told Nanika about how she would smile and call her young master.  That Mitsuba would play anything with her, even tea party when Killua wasn't interested.

When Nanika returned to the back of their shared space, she was confused and a little sad.  Didn't know why the butler had been so scared, why she hadn't smiled to her in the same way she did to Alluka.  Told Alluka that Killua had helped, had praised her.  That she loved Killua.

At four years old, all she thought of to do was agree.

 

Things changed after that.  At first there was concern.  Her parents would look on in worry and confusion, trying to figure out what was happening to their fourth child.  When Mitsuba died, Alluka had been surprised.  Hadn't known that Nanika could kill people.

 

_[My parents kill people.  My big brothers, too.  Not big brother Killua yet, though._

_I hope we can help him in the future.]_

**_[I want to be a help to Killua.]_ **

****

But things had kept on changing.  Yasuha had asked Nanika for money, and Nanika had done it.  Alluka wasn't allowed to see Killua very often any more, and she didn't understand why.  Her other older brothers, Illumi and Milluki, were spending more time with her; wanted Nanika to come out more and more often.  Nanika was always hopeful that she could be helpful, receive more praise.  Every time, she was continually rejected.  No one smiled at either anymore.

She was lonely.  _They_ were lonely.

Together in loneliness.

By the time Illumi had brought Kasuga to play with her, with _them_ , she was already used to the playroom she was confined in.  It had been days since she had seen the sun.  Weeks since she had seen Killua.  Her father had said Killua was very busy.  That no one was allowed to see her anymore.

That she was _dangerous_.

Someone would keep watch over her via cameras.  Sometimes butlers, sometimes family.  The fact that there were toys and paints and books, that a warm bed and delicious food were always available, kept her believing that the rest of the family didn't _hate_ her.  That maybe this was her training, so she could become strong like her favourite brother.

 

Months passed.

 

Then years.

 

The days she spent outside of her head were fewer and fewer as time wore on.  Sometimes she'd ask the watching camera how Killua was doing.  Always being answered in various levels of “Wonderfully.  Master Killua is a great credit to the family,” or “We are all so proud.  He is so diligent in his work.”  
And on rare occasion, he would visit.  Spend a day with both she and Nanika in-between training and work.  
Those times were her favourite.

 

The last time was over a year ago.  
He had come with a plan, whispered in her ear.  Made sure that Nanika was listening too.  A plan to become a hunter and capture their family for the reward money, to let Alluka be free to return to the world outside her playroom.

 

“We can help!  Nanika -”

“It's fine.  I'm your older brother, right?  I'm meant to be helping you.”

 

He had left after that.  
She'd hugged him as tightly as she could, and revelled in the comfort of human contact.  
She smiled and waved and wished him luck.  He grinned and thanked her.

And then he was gone.

Maybe it was because she knew he would come back for them, down in that hidden fortress, that the wait was longer.  
She felt like a princess from the fables in her book, anxiously awaiting the prince to save her.

Then the three of them could live happily ever after.

 

_[Big brother Killua will be back soon.  I'm sure it'll be soon.]_

**_[I love Killua.  I can help Killua when he comes back.]_ **

 

She had anticipated it.  Could hear the powerful turning of the lock on her door.  Visitors were almost nonexistent these days.  It had to be him. 

 _It had to be_.

 

They had known him from the day she was born.

Their knight in shining armour.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading until the end!  
> This was a bit in celebration of Alluka finally making her debut in Hunter x Hunter 2011, and a (little) different from the other things I've written for this fandom so far.
> 
> Comments are appreciated, I'd like to know if you'd like more of this sort of thing, or if there are ways I can improve.
> 
> As always, great thanks to [wartransmission](http://archiveofourown.org/users/wartransmission). I'm not sure this would have been posted without her urging.
> 
> If you want to leave me a message, or just chat HxH, my tumblr is compulsive-bibliotaph.tumblr.com


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